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Posted on December 11, 2020 by Austeralix

Rudd
(Grows ‘Beard’)

The story so far…
As Beijing’s strangle-hold on the recalcitrant Aussies tightens, pro-China lobbyists smell blood and start jockeying for the Evil Emperor’s favour. Now read on…

Paul Keating denounces the Australian security services as a bunch of “nutters and CIA flunkies” (for the umpteenth time this year) and sets his entire collection of French Empire clocks to Beijing time. “Time to face reality,” Keating proclaims, with one ear cupped for the umpteenth time this week to the sound of another cool million hitting his bank account, “and to start toadying up. Ching! Ching!”

“Beijing-Bob” Carr, blames Australia’s woes on inept diplomacy. “Aussie diplomats seem quite incapable of grovelling and fawning before 5,000 years of Chinese civilisation,” Carr says, with one ear cupped to the sound of another cool million hitting his bank account, “a 5,000 year-old civilisation which invented the chop-sticks, I might add,” he says. “However, I stand ready to advise anyone on this ancient Chinese art of Kow-towing. My expertise lies not so much in having rendered this service to our lords and masters on a daily-basis for decades, but on having rendered it so effortlessly.”

Recruits to China’s lucrative ‘Let 1000 Useful Idiots Bloom’ program and the ‘I Won’t Tell ASIO if You Won’t, Nod-Nod, Wink-Wink, China Number One Fan-Club,’ such as Sam Dastyari, follow their handlers’ advice and stay low (as do weasels), while continuing to rake it in.

Meantime, the Emperor sends a secret communique to his trusty lick-spittle Tin-Tin Rudd: NewsCorp, the bastion of Australian resistance, must be destroyed. Still furious about Murdoch’s key role in removing his sorry ass from office in 2013, Tin-Tin – who presumes himself to be the Celestial Kingdom’s secret, most-favoured Viceroy-in-Waiting (“’cause I knows Mandarin and stuff”) – is ready, willing and able. Immediately he comes up with an audacious plan: grow a beard and launch some totally useless inquiry into NewsCorp.

Cackling quietly to himself, Tin-Tin quickly assembles a crack-team of two (other) has-beens: one, toffee-nosed and with an obvious axe to grind, the other, overwrought and with a mere feather for a brain. In keeping with his reputation as a modern, with-it, tech-savvy wanker, he sets up a hi-tech, hi-speed, doubly-encrypted, highly-classified, top-secret, made-in-China (if that doesn’t warn you) Zoom session to brain-storm inquiry’s terms of reference:

[Long, silence at first, not knowing what to say, before Tin-Tin breaks the ice.]
TIN-TIN: “Bloody Murdoch… Bastards..! Bastards…! Bastards…!”
MALCOLM TURNBULL: “Bastards! Absolute bastards..!”
SARAH HANSON-YOUNG: “Total bastards..!” (Starts to sob uncontrollably…)
CHINESE ZOOM SPY (listening in): (Uncontrollable laughter…)
……
[Goes on like this all day…]

***********************************

Posted in Chinese Emperor, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, NewsCorp, Rupert Murdoch, Sarah Hanson-Young | Tagged Bob Carr, Chinese Emperor, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, NewsCorp, Rupert Murdoch, Sara Hanson-Young | Leave a comment

Virtue-Signalling Woke-Warriors

Posted on December 5, 2020 by Austeralix

Angus bloody Campbell

THE SCENE: Inner chambers of the Evil Empire, Beijing. The evil Emperor Xi holds court with his most trusted secret evil envoy, the really evil and totally self-serving, Tin-Tin Rudd.

Tin-Tin Rudd: And in outright defiance of Heaven’s Mandate from the nether-regions of your kingdom, O Yea, whose wisdom surpasses the entirety of our shimmering cosmos, what is it that you ordain?

Emperor: Death! Death! Death of a thousand cuts to these treacherous, worthless dogs and fire and destruction to all their lands, for I command it to be so.

TTR: And what, O Great Eminence, of the military woke in these nether-regions? What of those who loudly and piously strut and posture upon their stage, signalling false presumptions of moral virtue in publicly shaming and spitting on their own warriors before the eyes of the world? These imbeciles do so in folly not of heaven’s admiration, but of heaven’s wonder at the depths of their stupidity. Could they not think for one moment that their enemies would pick up on something like this and run with it? Forever? What should be done, O Yea upon whose empire the sun will never set (figuratively speaking, of course) and whose might is so powerful and yet so subtle that a raising of a single hair of a single eyebrow is enough to demolish a brick shit-house?

Emp: Who are these people, these treacherous dogs of the nether-regions of whom you speak, my loyal lick-spittle?

TTR: Aussie woke-warriors, O Great One. Aussie military commander, upper-echelon, virtual-signalling woke-warriors, O Yea, whose very rectum glows with the rays of the early morning sun, and whose elegant nostril hairs glisten by the light of the silver moon, and whose legendary expanse of navel-fluff exceeds all the forests…

Emp: (Interrupts) Then rain upon them death: death and destruction, I command thee, my obsequious little shit, so that I might drink freely of their blood and eagerly sup from a silver platter of these treacherous woke-warriors minuscule, but freshly-plucked testicles. And that all their women be named whores and base harlots in ignoble and eternal service of the empire’s righteous expansion to all points of the compass, save those adjudged most particularly fruity, who shall thus be divinely sanctioned instead to fulfil and delight the Son of Heaven in the service of his most intimate behests.

TTR: Okey-dokey, my Most Sublime and Most Totally Cool Ruler, whose (etc. – see above.) But should we not continue to slowly throttle their economy first?

Emp: Yes, yes. After that bit, I mean.

*****************

Posted in Angus bloody Campbell, Beijing, Kevin Rudd, Xi Jinping | Tagged Angus bloody Campbell, Beijing, Kevin Rudd, Xi | Leave a comment

Fraud Of The Century

Posted on November 19, 2020 by Austeralix

Joe Biden
Leftist Patsy? Yes.

An imbecile, now POTUS?
This now seems indeed to be the case. What the CNN, CBS, the BBC, Guardian etc. have incessantly declared to be an indisputable fact over the passed fortnight, is admittedly now a lay down misère, a slam-dunk. That is, they, a conglomerate of mainstream media scumbags, in cahoots with the Silicon Valley commie oligarchs and billionaire donors have successfully connived with the Democrats to pull off the greatest fraud in U.S. political history: propelling a complete imbecile to the office of the President of the United States.

What else can be said?
Other than to point out, I mean, that someone with all the mental acuity of a small pomegranate may be all that now stands between civilisation and a hyper-woke, dystopian future. If this feather-brained, Leftist patsy goes completely gah-gah in office (as is expected) the VP takes over, and that will be the end of it. To ensure this rolling coup-d’état (4 years in the making) is complete, Jack Dorsey and his censorious Silicon-Stasi mates are hell-bent on the suppression of all opposition. The thrill and adrenaline rush of watching expressions of patriotism such as “I really want to smash Kamala Harris’ supercilious, people-of-colour face in,” trending high again on Twitter, are now a thing of the past. Those halcyon days are over. Very soon, only praise for the ‘Dear Leader’ will be permissible, and as the famously-hysterical and clearly demented Whoopi Goldberg nut-job herself says, “you’re all gonna have to suck it up”.

Other than an increase in the Republican House numbers (but still not to a majority), the news is very bleak. However, there is a glimmer of hope that the Republicans will still be in control of the Senate after the January run-offs in Georgia. Such an outcome would be a great victory for the Republicans, because the Democrat’s lunatic policies will get stone-walled. What’s more, Nancy Pelosi would likely be ousted as Senate Majority Leader. In which case, instead of being on our screens every day, the poisonous Pelosi would free up more time to spend shovelling tons of ultra-progressive ice-cream from her $24,000 dollar, ultra-progressive fridge, down her ultra-progressive, scrawny throat… until she chokes.

Other than that, I’m afraid that this is the best we can hope for.

Posted in Fascist, Jack Dorsey, Nancy Pelosi, Stasi, Twitter, Uncategorized | Tagged Fascist, Jack Dorsey, Nancy Pelosi, Stasi, Twitter | 2 Comments

Biden-Family Crime Syndicate

Posted on October 31, 2020 by Austeralix

Rep. Matt Gaetz Talks About Hunter Biden Leaving Crack ...

Hunter Biden

According to my copy of Mao’s Little Red Book for Dummies, the revolutionary rank and file don’t necessarily need to demonstrate just how woke they are by regularly strutting around the house bare-naked and smoking crack while doing FaceTime with 14 year-old minors. That obligation, writes Mao in the 1960s, normally applies to the leading cadres. But why not do it anyway? Especially when your Daddy is Joe Biden and about to be elected President?

The Democrat strategists are only going to dismiss such reports (gleaned from the contents of Hunter’s hard-drive) as just another Russian hoax, so why worry? And besides, Mao insisted that such bourgeois taboos will be a thing of the past once the new socialist woke-topia is ushered in. That is, once Joe is committed to a sanatorium for the completely gah-gah, and Kamala Harris takes over, perversions of this kind will become the new norm.

Meantime, Joe is safely secured, tucked inside Beijing’s back-pocket.
Having by-passed US law while V.P. and secretly enriching himself and his family through phony billion-dollar investment deals with the Chinese, he is just one more of the CCP’s ‘captured elite’. And given that his close business-partner heads the CCP’s spying agency, this Biden-Family Crime Syndicate about to take power (regretfully) is fully compromised, a threat to US (and by default, Australian) national security.

That Joe, while Obama’s point-man for the China-Pivot, was simultaneously taking bribes from Beijing, is more than enough to disqualify him from the Presidency. Common sense demands that he should be thrown into gaol forthwith and castrated, along with his strange, freakishly sick son.

Worse.
We now realise that Beijing claimed sovereignty over the entire South China Sea and started to militarise it, knowing full-well that Obama’s China point-man – secretly up to his neck in their blood-money – would pretend not to notice.

This is treachery.
In the name of common decency, then, is it too much to ask that this quisling, Joe Biden, be dragged from his miserable cell by baying, blood-thirsty* crowds and arrange for his head to be mounted firmly and squarely on the nearest pike?
No it’s not.

****************************************

*Where possible.

Posted in Barack Obama, Beijing, China, China-pivot, Hunter Biden, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Mao's Little Red Book, South China Sea | Tagged Beijing, China-pivot, Chinese Communist Party, Hunter Biden, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Obama, South China Sea | Leave a comment

Achievement Award?

Posted on October 12, 2020 by Austeralix

John Liston Byam Shaw 003.jpg Meghan Markle Will Be More Than Just a Wife to Prince Harry
Queen Markle (left), Queen Jezebel (right)

Opening the papers today, amongst all the doom and gloom, a reason to rejoice: Meghan Markle has proclaimed herself ‘THE most trolled person in the known universe.‘ This is tremendous news coming from the Queen-wannabe, but few would argue that it was not unexpected. Nor that it was not richly deserved. Let’s face it, not even Jezebel – were she to be alive today – could have even approached this level of public acclaim. And Lady Macbeth must be spinning over and over in her grave in fits of rage and jealousy.

Is there a special U.N. award for this?
I really don’t know.
But perhaps Meghan, knowing that the real Queen, William, Kate and the rest of the Royal Household (plus countless millions around the world) would be doing cart-wheels and breaking out the champagne (possibly even getting pissed) in celebration right now, is surely reward enough in itself. The question remains whether poor Harry is secretly thinking likewise.

Posted in Harry, Jezebel, Lady Macbeth, Meghan Markle | Tagged Harry and Meghan, Jezebel, Lady Macbeth | Leave a comment

Mental Health Week

Posted on October 11, 2020 by Austeralix

If You Watch One Thing Today, Make It Greta Thunberg's ...

An invite from my local film group to view “I am Greta” when it opens in Sydney this week reminds me of just how serious the problem of mental health has become in this country. I suppose the film’s release date (during Mental Health Week) has been seen as an opportunity to prove that the disease is even more widespread than we thought. If a large number of people go out of their way to pay money to watch this very sad, very ugly little girl tell her life story, this would be enough damning evidence of just how mentally sick our society has become.

However, the admirable Jeff Kennett (of Beyond Blue) tells me that this is not the case. Instead he assures me that Greta Thunberg fans are not necessarily mentally-disturbed at all. They’re just incredibly stupid people, he says.

As a life-long member, it’s unlikely that my film group would take too kindly to this excuse for me not showing up. But going along anyway carries with it the very likely risk that I might lose control of myself and giggle and laugh derisively out loud all the way through it. The last time that happened (during Rudd’s phony ‘Indigenous Apology Speech’), there was hell to pay.

Posted in Greta Thunberg, Jeff Kennett, Kevin Rudd | Tagged Greta Thunberg, Jeff Kennett, Kevin Rudd | Leave a comment

Desperate Times

Posted on October 10, 2020 by Austeralix

Shocking news that Freydenberg’s budget has done absolutely nothing whatsoever for Australian women. Particularly harrowing (writes The Guardian’s Emma Dawson) is the plight of poverty-stricken women in the ABC and SBS who have to continue to survive on subsistence-level wages of $500,000 per year, or even more. Jane Caro says the situation is ‘heart-breaking’ and that Freydenberg is, of course, a ‘heartless, misogynist fascist‘ who wouldn’t recognise a ‘hungry, half-crazed, dyke columnist desperate for attention‘ if he saw one.

My conscience pricked, I’ve immediately set up a crowd-funding operation to roll out thousands of soup-kitchens to shovel Campbell’s Chicken Broth down the throats of these poor, half-starving, lefty bastards nation-wide. I’m also proud to launch my Victorian, Venezuela-styled “Cash-for-Commies” campaign in Victoria. Hundreds of ‘volunteers’ from Daniel’s seriously-depleted hordes of senior citizens (yes, the ones who haven’t been killed off yet) will pass the hat around in the queues outside DHSS offices every morning and see if they can come up with enough to upgrade the soup to ‘Premium’. (Unlikely).

Meantime, for the many malnourished ABC and SBS female journos, desperate times call for desperate measures. Accordingly, I’ve taken out a full-page spread in The Guardian pointing out they have no option but to follow Karl Marx’s famous Das Kapital dictum, (Chapter 23,000, ‘The Good Commies’ Guide to Moonlighting Your Way Through Capitalism.’) And that is, out of office hours, revert to what most lefty journos were probably doing, and why they were probably hired in the first place, which is to go on the game.* (Again.)

Marx argued that there was no moral difference between prostituting the female body and prostituting the news, which is, as we know, what famously inspired Ted Turner to launch CNN. And by aligning it with the “Wall-Street Hooker” (Hillary Clinton) and later, “Hookers For Hillary,” the canny Turner injects CNN’s current affairs programs – and, by extension, their Aussie counterparts, The Drum and Q&A – with a healthy dose of entertainment value. Otherwise, they’d all be rightly dismissed as just utter garbage.

————————————-

* I’m not sure whether this applies to Julia Baird, Ellen Fanning or even Jane Caro, but these are the only names I know.

Posted in ABC, Ellen Fanning, Hillary Clinton, Hookers For Hillary, Josh Frydenberg, Julia Baird | Tagged CNN, Ellen Fanning, HIlary Clinton, Jane Caro, Josh Freydenberg, Julia Baird, Paul Barry | Leave a comment

Archibald Prize

Posted on October 2, 2020 by Austeralix

AFL news 2020: Sam Newman swipes Adam Goodes, Archibald ... — *Stand Strong for Who You Are – A Dickhead*

To the NSW Art Gallery where I see they’ve once again chosen a notable piece of trash as the winner of the Archibald Prize. This time it’s the composite work by Vincent Namatjira, which depicts typical scenes from the daily life of that notorious prima-donna, Adam Goodes.

Particularly vivid is a scene where Goodes singles out the teenage football fan, who was promptly snatched from the crowd by BLM goons and hustled away to a secret holding-cell somewhere where she was subsequently interrogated and tortured by Dan Andrews’ fascist regime.

The main scene, however, where Goodes menacingly threatens to spear white Aussie football fans, is ambiguous. Is he doing this because whities refuse to take the knee in his presence? Is it because they refuse to waste their money watching his ridiculous film, ‘The Final Quarter’?

Or is it just because he’s a dickhead? It’s not entirely clear.
Though cleverly implied in the title, ‘Stand Strong for Who You Are – A Dickhead,’ to remove any ambiguity in the painting itself Namatjira really needed to plaster words to that effect all over the place. Otherwise (except to the virtue-signalling Archibald committee) the painting is completely worthless.

In the visitor’s comments book on the way out, alongside such luvvie comments as “wonderful,” “heart-warming” and “inspirational,” noting the complete absence of sick-bags accompanying the exhibit is the best I can do.

Posted in Adam Goodes, Archibald Prize, Black Lives Matter, BLM, Daniel Andrews, Vincent Namatjira | Tagged Adam Goodes, Archibald Prize, Dan Andrews, Vincent Namatjira | Leave a comment

Victoria with Chinese-Commie Characteristics

Posted on September 21, 2020 by Austeralix

Daniel Andrews
‘Beijing-Bedfellow…?’ (Yes.)

Another terrible night’s sleep, worrying about the plight of innocent Victorians suffering under the jackboot of this crazed megalomaniac. Right before our very eyes, Andrews’ quest to turn Victoria into Beijing’s vassal-state while killing off half the over-aged population continues according to plan. That praise and standing ovations from Xi and the CCP erupt at mere mention of his name in China is proof that he’s on the right course. In this Year of the Rat, they have in Andrews their greatest paradigm.

But the question as to why polls show fulsome majority support for Andrews in his drive to transform the state into ‘Victoria with Chinese-Commie Characteristics’ continues to baffle.

Harrowing scenes of pregnant women and little old ladies being arrested, cuffed and thrown into unmarked police vans in front of their children for not (it is alleged*) displaying Chairman Dan’s portraits in their windows continue to outrage and dismay the rest of us. (That is, dinky-di, non-commie-type Aussies.)

Rumours** that protesters are taken to special holding cells in secret locations where they are water-boarded, have their finger-nails ripped out and have Magda Szubanski take a running jump and sit on them unless they confess their crimes have yet to be substantiated. But Jon Faine, ex-radio host and long-time Andrews’ suck-hole, now his chief propagandist,* refuses to confirm or deny the rumours, saying only that “they fuckin’ deserve it, even if the rumours are true, but I’m not saying they are – RIGHT???”

Watching, yesterday on TV, Victoria’s ridiculous Chief Health Officer Brett Sutton’s vomit-inducing apology to Afghans, in Afghani, for (apparently) calling them Afghans adds more absurdity to the absurdity. Clearly (paraphrasing Alice) Victoria’s becoming absurder and absurder.

*For the purposes of this article.
**Mine.

Posted in Brett Sutton, Commie, Daniel Andrews, Jon Faine, Xi Jinping | Tagged Beijing, Brett Sutton, Commie, Daniel Andrews, Magda Szubanski, President Xi Jinpeng | Leave a comment

Middle East Breakthrough

Posted on September 13, 2020 by Austeralix

Winning again.

Fox news reporter to Trump supporter at a rally: “Why are you going to vote for Trump and not Biden?”
“Because he’s real.”
Another: “Because he’s conscious.”
Which I thought were both compelling arguments.
“Because he’s also Nobel Prize-winning material” would also have been equally valid.

The UAE and Bahrain’s recognition of Israel provide more proof of Trump’s brilliance and determination to get things done. With this excellent news, however, am I also right to conclude (reading between the lines) that, if they were free to do so, a great majority of Arabs would choose greater prosperity over having to continuously bang their heads on the floor five times a day? My guess is, yes. It goes without saying.

And that sticking it to the Palestinians terrorists and their Western-elite supporters, who are wailing and gnashing their teeth again in fury, is itself a very good thing? Once again, yes, of course it is.

Malawi and Serbia have announced they will be moving their embassies to Jerusalem too. Why won’t Scott Morrison do the same with our embassy? Answer: above all, keeping Indonesia on side while we push back against China.

Joko might not personally give a toss what Australia does, but his powerful deputy is an entirely different matter. Ma’ruf Amin, an Islamist (and therefore a particularly committed head-banging aficionado), would ensure that millions of others of his supporters took to the streets to ensure Australia and Australians paid dearly.

But if the Saudis, as is rumoured, were next to follow suit, then that would be a real victory for Trump and Western civilisation. And a real set-back for the self-hating Western elites. A stunning outcome, not least for the likelihood of that anti-Semite and monumental idiot (who insists on going by the name of Nick McKim) spitting his dummy, collapsing to the floor and rolling about in rage – and probably frothing at the mouth even more than usual. Other more deep-rooted Israel-haters, like the Stalinist Lee Rhiannon, might take a more dignified approach in their despair, and blow their brains out in private somewhere. But it’s up to them, really.

Posted in Donald Trump, Joko, Lee Rhiannon, Nick McKim, Palestinians, ScoMo | Leave a comment