The aftermath of the Rudd Restoration continues, but in an unexpected way. Thinking that the desperate banging on the door early this morning was the ‘Rescind Julia Gillard’s Entire Pension Immediately’ door-knock appeal coming around again, I was reaching from my wallet to pull out a princely sum when I was quite taken aback. Imagine my surprise on opening the door to have a bearded man of Middle-Eastern appearance immediately throw himself at my feet, showering them with kisses and repeatedly blubbering the words “Thank you us giving us hope,” over and over again. After managing to calm him a little he quickly identified himself as Itshudav bin Ali, a Shia Muslim associate of the Sydney University-based Centre for Peace and Conflict Studies – famously headed by the British-born intellectual, Jake Lynch. It seems that, should the Coalition get elected, the Coalition’s Julie Bishop intends withdrawing the centre’s tax-payer funded subsidy because of what she mistakenly recognises as strident anti-Semitism. Now that Rudd is back at the Labor helm, a Coalition victory is now less likely and Jake felt bound to convey his undying gratitude to me for the strategic cunning of my political masterstroke in helping effect the change in leadership. However, Julie labelling the CPCS as anti-Semitic is entirely wrong-headed because one only has to take a cursory look at the centre’s core policies to see, overwhelmingly, that they primarily provide succor, aid and comfort for the Islamist cause. It follows therefore that, because an enormous number of Islamists are Arabs (as we all know), and the Arabs are Semites (as we all know), the CPCS can’t be anti-Semitic. At least not entirely anti-Semitic.
Poor-misguided, silly Julie. When the Coalition wins the election, I promise myself to have a word with her before she acts too hastily.
Asking Itshudav bin Ali why the man himself couldn’t come, he was completely apologetic, saying that Jake was just far too busy these days countering his millions upon millions of detractors Australia-wide. Apparently he spends hours and hours all day desperately refuting charges that he is an “anti-Semite,” “Jew-hater” or an “Anti-American STOOGE in the pay of that Noam Chomsky prat” from millions upon millions of non-ABC viewers and New Matilda subscribers. Amongst others. Add to that the endless amount of time and money he finds himself having to spend on defending his impressive academic standing against the despicable lie that he is a secret operative for Hamas, it’s no wonder he has so little time on his hands.
And there is also Jake’s famous conspiracy theory. The one that no one has forgotten about. Jake is still trying to prove his titanically stupid assertion that it was a Jewish/CIA/Mining Sector conspiracy that gave Gillard the job in the first place in 2010 (because Rudd was being too friendly towards the Palestinians). This assertion is of course completely absurd because, as everyone knows, it was the cuddly Clive Palmer who engineered the Gillard coup, hoping she would drop-by afterwards and help promote his dinosaur-themed golf course as a reward. When it turned out that she had always hated golf (and much preferred knitting) and repeatedly refused to accept his invitations, Clive had no option but to use his billions to bank-roll the putsch which summarily put Kevin back in the office again.
Poor Jake. It’s beyond belief how a tax-payer funded man of his principled, academic standing could find himself in such a position.