No matter how much they try, the hideous assortment of half-witted women on the left of politics in Australia will not stop us men from the joys of lust. The latest policy review from the Australian Human Rights Commission’s (dominated by all of the above) recommends now that this can be best served were Australia to become an Islamic republic. Should the HRC and the other secret Islamist kill-joys in the Greens get their way all women will have to wear burqas, and beaches like Bondi will have nothing of remaining interest for men to see other than the breaking of waves and the occasional shark attack.

When I was growing up in the 60’s and 70s, Labor women groups tried to accomplish the same thing through forcing men to eat leek soup while their wives remained permanently absent on campaign around the world protesting against nuclear weapons. It didn’t work then because Clive Palmer’s dad, who monopolised the Australian canning industry at the time, secretly substituted the leeks with Spanish aphrodisiacs and offered free topless photos of Brigitte Bardot to keep our peckers up, so to speak.

Brigitte Bardot, the sizzling French movie-starlet of the swinging 60’s, of course has since become famous for loving dogs and hating Muslims and regularly attends court in Paris on these matters. Last week I rang the young Clive last week to urge him to enlist the ‘Sixties-Sizzle’ as a pin-up girl in our newly-launched campaign against the latest attempt by the maniacs on the Left to repress our male natural urges and traditions and he immediately agreed. The ejection of the likes of Bandt and Hanson-Young and the complete abolition of the HRC at the next election will be the next big step in keeping Bondi beach just the way we want it: burqa-free.