Useful New Halal-Certified App

Friends and neighbours over for a back-yard barbeque and a chat about the Ashes series in England coming up. After the slaughter of the Wallabies by the Lions last night, we are deeply worried about a possible double-whammy. To cheer us all up, Rameesh my Indian and Hindu cricket-loving geek neighbour from across the road, demonstrates a new IPhone app that he’s just developed which is modelled on the famous Zabihah app. However, unlike Zabihah, (which provides, quote, The World’s Largest Guide to Halal Restaurants & Mosques, unquote), according to Rameesh this new app instead provides, “The World’s largest Guide to Islamic Charity Fronts and Islamist Command Centres.”

Asking him how it works he explains it simply takes the exact, very same information provided by the Zabihah app and re-labels it into the everyday English that everyone can understand. So, he explains, instead of non-Muslims having to labour with great difficulty over words like “Mosque” or “Halal-certified” when they go browsing on their smart phones to see what happens to be nearby, the far more accurate terms of “Known Islamist Charity Front” or “Terrorist Cell” will appear instead. What’s more, for a relatively cheap upgrade, Rameesh excitedly tells me the generic label “Terrorist HQ” can be substituted for everything that is listed, so that people no longer feel they have to beat about the bush. But this is an optional feature, he says.

Further on down the line Rameesh hopes to outdo even the Zabihah app itself by including a “Useful idiot” category, listing certain Green politicians, multiculturalists, human rights advocates and Sonya Plebishit along with their precise locations at any one time.
These Indians engineers are so ingenious and I really take my hat off to them but after a while I wonder about copyright and other implications, and therefore I am officially distancing myself from it.

About Austeralix

It's just satire, really.
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