Note: In his ‘Reliance of the Traveller’, the 14th century scholar al-Misri defined camel sickness as “symptoms displayed by camels as they act irrationally and hysterically in the face of circumstances they are just too stupid to understand.”

News of the lunatic Abu Qatada’s extradition from London to Jordan after 10 years of legal wrangling gives me cause for optimism. There are quite a number of people in Australia holding similar views to ‘Captain Hook’ who could well do with a dose of ‘helping the Jordanian government with their inquiries,’ but I think we should start with some of our home-grown lunatics first, then work our way through. I’m still not in any way convinced of the merits of their inclusion in the same terrorist category as Qatada, or whether they are merely suffering from some exotic disease, but I’m keen for a ruling either way just to set my mind at ease. Deporting the Israeli boycott activists Jake Lynch, Lee Rhiannon, Fiona Byrne and Sylvia Hale to Jordan for further investigation might help settle the remaining doubt in my mind once and for all and so it is for that reason I’ve just introduced a bill into Parliament recommending this be done with all speed.

To be fair, I haven’t met the Oxford-educated King Abdullah II of Jordan, but my Arab contacts advise me that he is a just and decent man and assure me he will let the Australian public know one way or the other. And with the Hashemite Kingdom’s border so close to Israel, they tell me that the King will more than likely liaise with Mossad to see if they have a case to answer. If not, he will no doubt conclude that the activists periodically act in this way, quite demented, behaving in the same way as many of his camels do under similar circumstances as defined by al-Misri, and thereby deserving of compassion.

My bill stands every chance of being successful and the activists legal representatives should be on notice. With a certain Bedouin tribe’s propensity for the use of cattle-prods and engaging in unspeakable acts when ‘acting compassionately’ towards their camels being on public record, the activist lawyers are strongly advised to get in contact with the Israelis well in advance so as to seek their early intervention. Otherwise a tragedy just too awful to contemplate might befall their clients and I will again have to wash my hands of the matter.