The Green Left – The Early Years

For a long time I think we’ve all been puzzled as to the reasons why so much of what is irksome these days comes from the progressive Green Left, most vocal members of which unfortunately appear to be women. A report in last month’s New Scientist outlays a probable and rather satisfactory explanation concerning the recently discovered ‘overwrought’ gene, which is inherited by only a small number of females.

The report details the results of  ground-breaking behavioural studies about the gene’s  ‘safety catch’ , which is normally set to ‘on’,  only to have it somehow set to ‘off’ at an early age. This ready-to-fire priming is thought to have occurred by the overwhelming majority of carriers through having experienced a severe childhood trauma, such as being forced by parents to hug a tree rather than Santa Clause, or smoke weed instead of watching TV. Other patients in the study could recall something far more painful in their childhood, such as having to endure an evening’s recital of Bob Brown’s entire range of whale song imitations. Most of the new generation of Green women leaders have pointed furiously to this same single event occurring sometime in their upbringing.

Whatever the reason, once the gene has been primed, the slightest change in the victim’s environment, such as being presented with a rational argument, causes the gene to trigger incoherent babblings bordering on hysteria from the victim, in mild cases, or for them to suddenly and irrationally convert to Islam in the more extreme cases.

It has been proposed that this same female gene may be responsible for the reported 75% of Muslim converts in Britain being women. The explanation for the remaining 25% of men converts is still unclear, but it has been conjectured that many of them are entirely stupid by being, for example, somewhat unclear about the location of Waziristan when initially presented with their training itinerary.

The studies continue.

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About Austeralix

It's just satire, really.
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