For Randa Abdel-Fattah, applying for a doctoral candidacy with Melbourne University by doing phony research on ‘Islamophobia, Multiculturalism and Racism’ was the way to go. One: having the word ‘Multicultural’ in the title would likely get it instant approval.  (It did.) Two: the giant boost in credibility it would give her crusade for the re-education of the ignorant Australian mindset. And there is growing evidence to suggest the latter has worked, that the populace have been easily persuaded/conned* by her university-funded, anti-Islamophobia diatribes and are changing their mind.

In the big cities, large groups of citizens suddenly show up in market squares, waving and reading from Randa’s Little Green Book for Islamophobes, publicly renouncing their Islamophobia, and demanding the author not be beheaded. Thousands of school children across Australia spontaneously stand up in their classrooms demanding their parents recant the silly conversion to Islam nonsense about paedophilia being mandatory for males. At public meetings in RSLs, Churches and footy clubs. At dinner tables, picnics and barbecues across our wide-brown land, these misunderstandings and preconceptions (that I’ve just invented) about Islam are being hotly-debated and thrown out the window, one by one. It was Sunni Salafists, not Bob Brown, who founded the Australian Greens: FALSE! Saudi petrodollars fund Bob’s retirement so as to keep him quiet: FALSE! Tony Abbott is not Osama Bin Laden’s love-child: FALSE!

Thanks to Randa’s ground-breaking research, Islamists and lefties will soon be able to quietly attend Friday prayers, before setting out on their regular, deranged campaign to bang the final nail in the coffin of Australian Islamophobia: the eradication of all of Michael Brenner’s Zionist chocolate shops from our streets.

Her legitimacy in the elite halls of Australian academe now without question, any suggestion (by someone else, not me) that Randa Abdel-Fattah is actually a crazed woman, or a rabid Islamist covertly undermining the fabric of Australian society, or both, has been firmly and finally laid to rest. Obtaining Melbourne University’s funding for her silly charade has proven a masterstroke. With only a little nagging doubt remaining, Australians of all leftist persuasions can now sleep more easily in their cosy beds at night.

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*Reader to choose