With 60 million dollar’s worth of the Nauru refugee facility just razed to the ground, its ungrateful inmates have now presented us with an excellent means to permanently deny them access to our shores. And that means is through community service. Presenting my two-part proposal in this regard to Kevvie and Tony Burke they both agree that it appears sound and to have great merit. And this is how it should work. Firstly, having been automatically granted free-membership to this new Community Service* program as a consequence of their ill-considered actions, the Nauru perpetrators are to be dispatched forthwith to serve as the vanguard in the construction of Rudd’s brave new world: the PNG Gulag. Secondly, by legitimately conferring on them the status of dangerous criminals that they are, we should treat them as such, according to the highly-regarded 19th century philosophies and treatises elaborated in the French classic, L’étiquette Sur L’île Du Diable (La Meilleure Façon de se Comporter,’)** That is, dressing them all in filthy rags, chaining them together while they dredge the mosquito-infested marshlands, and having them soundly whipped twice before breakfast. (Etc.)
For the more recalcitrant- read ‘Muslims’, who are generally known to not want to enter into the Aussie spirit of things anyway – I recommend additional measures. Specifically, acquainting them with the traditional Papua and New Guinea native customs by forcing on them a strict diet of betul-nut, coconuts and wild boar testicles, and making them wear not only penis-gourds but nose-bones as well during Ramadan (as is the local custom). True Islamists, reputedly, would literally jump at an opportunity to learn how to blend in with the locals, no matter how recalcitrant they are. So I don’t expect there to be many complaints. .
* Author’s note: ‘Community Service’ now replaces the defunct Gillard-PC euphemism, ‘Penal Servitude’ in all future Government directives.
** ‘Manners and Etiquette while on Devils Island (How Best to Behave)’ – now sadly out of print.