The promised invite to Palmer Uniting Party PUP’s Victorian candidate Buddy Rojek’s post-election “Huge party” for his faithful volunteers finally arrives. Eager to cosy up to Clive and his billions in any way I can, especially in this way, I prepare myself accordingly. Evening appointments in my diary for the next month are cancelled and Susan mysteriously finds herself in receipt of a free, four week, all-expenses-paid holiday on an Israeli kibbutz, leaving immediately. The cat is consigned to a kennel, and another request from the GG to do lunch sometime soon is firmly, but politely rejected.

Still finding his way in Australian politics, Buddy follows my gentle mentoring and increases the advertised quota of 15 male and female models to the more advised 50 buxom 18 year-old girls wearing T-shirts, as is traditional on these occasions. Likewise under my subtle guidance, the guests will find that the ‘Huge Party’ designate has been replaced with a ‘Buddy’s Bunga-Bunga Party’ sign on arrival, conforming to the original Berlusconi specification.

On Buddy’s own initiative the vague wording used in the brochure to describe the models’ possible intents (“If you are lucky and behave yourself they might invite you back to party longer,”) will be amended to something more substantial, but only for a certain select number of his close mentors (one) who rightly demands more surety in these matters. Buddy’s willingness to think on his feet and see eye-to-eye with me in this way is very promising.

The whereabouts of Clive on the night will remain a closely guarded secret but I suspect him to be somewhere in the vicinity.