Second TV Debate

Inner cabinet meeting today: Rudd turns up absolutely spitting, furious after last night’s debate. The TV makeup artist posting on Facebook afterwards that Abbott had been absolutely lovely to her, whereas Rudd had been an absolute prick is just the first thing that gets him going this morning.  No matter the accuracy of the comments. Comments coming from a woman Rudd describes as  just some ‘bogan makeup monkey,’ however, the hissy-fit they spark is, however, just a prelude to the mother-of-all hissy-fits from Rudd so far this election. “That F****ING PISSHEAD Abbott,” he screams at us, absolutely indignant, flabbergasted, face as red as a beetroot. “Telling me” (points to himself and repeatedly saying ‘me’ over and over ) “telling me, the Prime Minister of Australia, to shut up on national TV. How DARE he?  Just who the F**K does that F***ER think he F***ING is?” he bellows.

Albanese cheerefully tries to calm him down. “Abbott only asked if you ever shut up,” Anthony says, smiling as always. “Not as bad as actually telling you to shut up,” he laughs jovially and we all join in nervously, trying to calm him down. But Rudd isn’t having anything of it and the ginormous hissy-fit of unprecedented dimensions, regardless, continues on seemingly forever. Some of us try to let it wash over us, finding time, instead, to gaze out the window, watching in the streets three stories below as mother’s cover their children’s ears as they rush by. Yes, it’s another outstanding campaign moment, on for young and old.

After a while Rudd’s starts to get hold of himself and his rant begins to wane; more so after Shorten reminds him the TV ratings had him outdoing Abbott on just about everything. Good time, then, for Bruce Hawker to drop his bomb-shell: Polling in Rudd’s own electorate suddenly has him trailing way behind the LNP candidate and things are looking ominous.

At this, Rudd turns white as a sheet and goes dead quiet. Most of us wisely think it a good time to quickly make our excuses and leave. Except for poor old deputy-PM Albanese, who finds himself left once again holding the baby.

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About Austeralix

It's just satire, really.
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