That Sinking Feeling

Cause for much celebration as The Guardian’s headlines confirm Australia’s beloved leader may not be so beloved after all. Polling in his normally safe Labor seat has Rudd trailing the LNP candidate (‘some Abbott-loving pisshead’) by a wide margin. Normally avoiding champagne at breakfast I manage to gulp down a quick glass of  joy before heading off to the office.

Despair and disquiet permeates the Labor camp. People around me exchange uneasy glances at each other. Noone’s quite sure how to profess concern for Rudd’s plight outwardly, while simultaneously masking immense inner jubilation at the possibility of the little pr**k’s imminent comeuppance.

TeamObama saves the day with their regular, morning, rah-rah team-building session. This time they include a bevvy of buxom American cheerleaders, especially flown in to mark the half-way point of the campaign, complete with t-shirts, short-skirts and pom-poms. Very soon everyone -including Rudd – is joining in the fun and the sinking Labor ship is momentarily forgotten.

Then Tanya Plebishit turns up.
Looking around the room, she starts to loudly complain about the absence of hot males in the cheer-squad – and the lack of abs. “Where are the abs?” she demands of everyone, before the very Lesbian Minister for Finance Penny Wong quickly walks right up to her, grabs her by the throat and with a menacing smile tells her to shut her “silly, heteronormative face. Everything is just fine the way it is, SEE?”
Plebishit, being in a real fear for her life, can’t help but agree, as do we all (under the circumstances), and the fun and frivolity continues apace.

About Austeralix

It's just satire, really.
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