According to a Pakistani government spokesperson, bombing the living shit out of the Pakistani Taliban leadership while they were organising peace talks was disrespectful to the world’s greatest religion and proved that America, once again, has a long way to go in ridding itself of its Islamophobia. The spokesperson, Ter-Banz Argud, said that the attempts to demonstrate Islam was a Religion of Peace though phony peace-talks with the Taliban were a long time in coming, and now here, once again, were the Americans with their drones, “dropping a shit-load of their missiles on Mehsud” without any regard at all for cultural niceties. “It was very rude to treat our Taliban guests in this country in this way and showed a great insensitivity: it just wasn’t very nice at all, ” he said.

When  asked about the murderous assassinations, suicide bombings. slaughter of thousands of men women and children and the targeting of Pakistani school girls by Mehsud in the name of Islam,  he dismissed such talk as Islamophobic. “By raising such questions you ignorant Westerners further ridicule Islam’s already ridiculous claim to being a Religion of Peace, ” he said. “Such critical, logical, typically Western thinking is monstrous and will only serve to continue to expose the Western leftist progressives who swallow our guff as first class idiots,” Argud added.

At the same conference, before abruptly terminating the interview to rush back to his bunker (6km underground,) a Taliban spokesman complained that the purported inscription (‘Eat this, mother-f****r’) inscribed on each of the missiles being in English, instead of in Pashto,” demonstrated a gross lack of cultural sensitivity and was also clearly un-Islamic. Bye.”

In response, a US spokesman said that, regrettably, the Defence Department was unable to provide a Pashto inscription on each of the 450,632 missiles that simultaneously hit Mehsud on his head because of the new federal budget restrictions. To the collective disappointment of the fans of US drones world-wide he also gave a warning: “From now on,” he said “due to the same federal budget cuts there will be no more inscriptions on missiles, even in English.” Instead, he said, such messages would be ‘implied’.