Quaint Customs from the Caucases

cossacks

While the use of Cossack whips on the Pussy Riot vandals in Sochi is to be much admired, I wouldn’t recommend similar remedies being adopted here in Australia. That is, they should not be overtly used, carte blanche, for example, as a means of punishing corrupt Trade Union members, which has been suggested by many of our more enlightened intelligentsia.* For many of these, it is the recently-convicted thief and arch-liar Craig Thompson who should be the first on the receiving end of such measures, instead of leaving it to judicial procedure, but I strongly believe that it would be un-Australian and a mistake if this were to happen. A mistake, only if hanging had still been on the books.

Although we don’t need a Royal Commission to unearth the many thousands of other corrupt trade unionists and Labor Party officials known to be still out there, hiding behind Labor’s grand protection racket (Bill Shorten, et al), it should not be left to the rorted trade union rank and file to take matters into their own hands and hunt them down mercilessly, just like the rats that they are. Even after the courts last week officially pronounced Thompson to be the lying, guilty-as-hell-scum-bag, that we all long knew that he was. Forming whip-wielding, vigilante groups to take to the streets and exact revenge on every other corrupt trade union official that can be found, regardless of the consequences, would not be very smart, and is just not the Australian way of doing things.

Not the Australian, multi-cultural way of doing things, that is, without first dressing up for the occasion by donning traditional Cossack-style national coat, hat and boots  beforehand. Other than simultaneously looking good, there is another advantage to at least being seen to be tastefully dressed while taking the law into one’s hands. And that is, in the unlikely event that a police officer should happen upon a corrupt trades union official being whipped in public (happy experience that it may be), by simply claiming cultural immunity on the grounds of ethnicity, the possibility of arrest can be averted.

And this is all thanks to the Australian Multicultural Lobby.
Because of the MCL’s relentless campaign of culture relativism, most officers on the beat these days are well aware that migrants have been forced to retain and indeed, enthusiastically celebrate all their differences in the name of cultural diversity, no matter how inappropriate they may seem to be. And this includes the Cossacks’ tradition of flaying alive all public officials caught with their hands in the till which, it must be said, has to be greatly applauded. Go right ahead, the MCL says: but make sure you dress for the part so that you can claim ignorance of the white man’s law should questions be raised.

And for that very reason, after acknowledging cultural immunity, any police officer would be more than happy to allow the public whipping of a corrupt Trades Union official to continue. Perhaps even taking part in it himself, knowing that he is simultaneously meting out justice and enriching Australia’s cultural heritage in the process.

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* Cory Bernardi unavailable for comment
† Cossack and other Northern Caucasus-styled uniforms are easily available online. Contact the author for your vigilante group’s special introductory bulk-buy offer.
 Cossack tradition forbids women the carrying of whips. favouring tungsten-tipped stilettos instead,

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About Austeralix

It's just satire, really.
This entry was posted in Cory Bernardi, Craig Thompson, Eddie Obeid, Labor Party, Sochi, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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