(WARNING: Political satire follows)
Despite all the evidence to the contrary, the crazy lunatic who besieged the café in downtown Sydney yesterday resulting in the tragic deaths of two of the hostages turned out to be just that: a crazed lunatic. Despite reports that he was just another Muslim acting like a crazed lunatic as so many of them have before, the media and the Left decided the two don’t, as is commonly understood, go hand in hand. Counter-terrorism expert Dr. Anne Aly, of Curtin University, also told us to suspend our utter disbelief when she confirmed yesterday that crazed lunacy had nothing to do with Islam, and she urged that the true victims of this siege (all Muslim women) should put their scarves back on their heads and go about their daily routine of apparent non-crazed Muslim-ness. And, she added, on no account should we call the Muslim terrorist a Muslim terrorist, as this might imply that all terrorists are by definition, crazy, and are therefore Muslims. “We need to shut this sort of rational logic down right away,” said someone else, “before people start to see reason.”
Tim Soutphommasane, the Australian Race Discrimination Commissioner with the long, ridiculously unpronounceable name, agreed. He enthusiastically urged all non-crazed Muslim women to hitch free rides with gullible, bleeding-heart non-Muslims who will shed Halal-certified tears over their plight and offer them free multicultural rides across town. In this way the great majority of the multi-cultural loving, non-racist people of Australia can show their solidarity for Muslims, crazy and non-crazy, because it is not the fault of their religion, but that of racist Aussies. Then all real Aussies – except the racist ones – should give themselves a long, self-congratulatory, standing ovation for demonstrating how non-racist they all are and to show the what a wonderful country we all live in. Tim Soutph … – because it’s easier, let’s call him “Uncle Tim,” shall we? – Uncle Tim Souphastupidname also said that Uncle Joe Stalin was right when he said: “tell a lie, repeat it often enough,and people will soon start to believe it.” But Uncle Tim wouldn’t say exactly which multi-cultural lie we should keep repeating,
Another already long certified commentator, David Marr, said that the siege shouldn’t be seen as another excuse to increase the security laws because all right-thinking, sanctimonious Abbott-hating, Muslim-loving, Catholic-hating Australians, like him, don’t give a tinker’s cuss about an Islamist takeover, fullstop. Sarah Hanson Young was too distressed to comment but instead, in between her incessant sobbing, urged her supporters on Facebook not to use the events in Sydney as an excuse to highlight the stupidity of her unqualified refugee advocacy which helped bring about the siege in the first place.
Once again both Tony Abbott and Bill Shorten were unable to utter anything intelligent and continued to imply that they are both complete jerks.
Meantime, in North-West Pakistan, some apparently non-crazy Taliban fighters in a show of total solidarity with the poor, victimised Australian Muslim community (who have suffered so much in the past 48 hours), massacred over 120 children.