(WARNING: Political satire follows)

Controversy continues to rage over the ‘I’ll Stay With You’ campaign and over the despicable actions of a small handful of the Sydney siege hostages who decided to high-tail it instead of staying behind. According to Scott Ludlum, hostages running away from the gunman after discovering that he was a muslim, and not just crazy after all, should be condemned for their despicable Islamophobia, something which has no place in Australian society. Jason Wilson of the Guardian states that instead of staying with this poor, misunderstood, kindly man until the very end, they abandoned him to his wretched fate. Moments later, he says, Abbott’s anti-cultural-diversity and harmony gang of Murdoch-press-inspired, fascist thugs stormed the café and ‘one of our own’ was shot to death ‘with a million freakin’ bullets’. With all the world’s media in attendance, a handful of un-Australian racists shamefully let us down, he bewails. They deserted one of our poor, disadvantaged migrants in his hour of need, ignoring the brilliant campaign call to ‘I’ll Stay With You’ completely, caving into their completely rational sense of Islamophobia: deciding it would be a much better idea instead to bugger off out of there just as fast as their little legs could carry them.

Openly Stalinist, Anti-Islamophobia commissar, “Uncle” Tim Soutphommasane was also outraged that a handful of hostages failed to heed his much lauded ‘I’ll Stay With You’ campaign. The Australian Race Discrimination Commission’s Glorious Leader proclaims that these criminal vermin should have stayed behind and put their arms around “our dear brother” to shield him from the vicious hail of right-wing, racist, courtesy-of-The-Australian-Murdoch, fascist, bastard bullets. Fortunately, the majority of hostages remained behind and did Aussies proud, he said. “With the world watching, it was only a tiny minority who lets us down.”

But speaking from one of her regular weekend Humpothons, Jacqui Lambie disagreed and said that all the hostages should have stayed back only to help police put more bullets in the fucker.

Meantime, the nervous tics displayed by some of the hostages holding up the Islamist flag in the cafe also has the Multicultural Thought Police worried. A spokesperson from the Green and Gay Multicultural Mafia, Sarah Hanson-Young, said there was nothing wrong with holding up these flags, so long as they are Halal-certified. And the disgraceful, Islamophobic refusal to honour the simple request for an ISIS flag (plus a very sharp knife), she says, suggests a very worrying deviant tendency in our society. In certain sections of the great Australian proletariat, she alleges “our religious police are discovering apostates: otherwise sensible citizens who are apparently not at all happy about opening our doors to all sorts of trash, or to catering to the incessant demands they reasonably place on us (flags and knives, desire to be loved, etc).” SHY said the authorities should have fully embraced this poor, disadvantaged immigrant and his completely justified requests to make himself feel like he was living at home in Northern Iraq, and any objection to helping a deranged man promote his deranged religion has no place in Australian society. Screaming at the TV from her padded cell in Sydney, she demanded that we recognise just how disadvantaged these people are when they arrive in this country and give them “everything they fucking want!”

 (Her estimate so far: 1200+2 = 1202)