(WARNING: Political satire follows)
Every time I go by or go into a bookshop and see her stupid face smiling out at me from the front jacket on a shelf somewhere, I want to throw up. To help relieve my discomfort upon entry I have the habit of immediately turning the front book around so that her repulsive looks face the back. But I wish I could do more. I even considered setting fire to the entire, nation-wide chain of ABC bookshops but unfortunately they sell them in Dymocks as well. So the biography’s not just for feminists, Lesbians and other Lefties – it’s a women’s thing.
Yesterday, in one of their Brisbane chains, some luvvie Labor woman challenged me while I was performing the switch. When I told her I was merely doing everyone a service by helping to consign Gillard to the dustbin of history where she belonged, she was stunned. And when I very politely enquired whether or not she was one of those fat lezzos* who cheered Gillard’s faux, anti-misogyny speech that day in Parliament, she immediately broke down and confessed. Then, incredibly, crumbled into a heap before me, blurting out in a flood of tears not only that she worked for Macquarie Dictionary but was also the sub-editor who was ordered after Gillard’s speech to change the definition of misogyny from ‘woman-hating’ to ‘anyone who votes for that prat Tony Abbott.’
I was elated.
Here in the far reaches of enemy territory, I had finally came face to face with one of the hirelings of Australia’s greatest criminal masterminds. That shadowy figure who engineered Macquarie Dictionary’s infamously fraudulent attempt at social control; the most breathtaking, singular act of intellectual dishonesty in the history of Western civilisation. Now I wanted and demanded from her the name, the name of the top man. The mysterious puppet-master controlling that vast, corrupting process of political-correctness in Australia; a chameleon-like traitor in our midst everyone knew existed but who had managed to evade our intelligence services now for decades. Who is this master-controller, the man who has burrowed into the fabric of our society in order to gradually subvert and dismantle it from within, until it eventually reaches the point where it becomes dysfunctional, ripe for an Islamist takeover?
She wouldn’t cooperate, so I set to work immediately.
In Guantanamo they used hummus rectal feed to make them talk, but here I had a stack of Gillard’s unsold biographies and started to shove them up there, un-shredded, one by one. Two minutes and ten volumes later, I had from her a list of 5 suspects. And I was astounded. The names of the mole she came up with are: Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Yosemite Sam, Waleed Aly, and Woody-Woodpecker (not necessarily in that order.)
The list is inconclusive, but enough to go on.
* Admittedly, perhaps not a good choice of words.