Political Satire

An Australian newspaper’s security services have intercepted a damning series of emails containing horrendously incorrect terms of abuse which have this week resulted in the dismissal of Professor Barry Spurr from his office of Professor of Poetry at Sydney University.

A spokesman for The New Commie, an online newspaper for crazed Leftists (www.newmatilda.com), reports Professor Spurr was caught red-handed sending emails containing abusive language, including the terms ‘abo-lovers’, ‘mussies,’ ‘darkies,’ ‘whores,’ and ‘chinky-poohs.’ Adding to his political crimes, the spokesman stated, Spurr referred to the university’s university’s vice-chancellor Belinda Hutchinson as ‘an appalling minx,’ without any supporting academic evidence to back the accusation up. (See pic above, and decide yourself.)

However, according to The New Commie’s Chief Political Commissar, Chris Commie,the Professor’s main political crime was in failing to employ progressive abuse. “According to our secret police,” says Commie, “abuse in compliance with The New Commie’s Guidelines for Academia – was completely absent from his day-to-day emails. The recommended abusive terms, such as ‘racist, white-bigot, sick-Islamophobes, Murdoch fascist, infidel-pig: I’ll slit your throat!, Anglo, round-eye and Tony Abbott-bastard are well known. They fully comply with the guidelines issued by The New Commie’s Thought Police and many examples of their everyday use can be easily found on our web site. So there is no excuse,” he asserted. “It’s patently clear from the emails intercepted by our network of harmony and diversity spies, the Professor failed to follow our political edicts and disgracefully said in private what he bloody-well wanted to say.”

“Worse still,” the Commie continued, “Professor Spurr, in his non-compliant language, inexplicably omitted the use of homophobic language. Words like ‘faggot’ or ‘lezzo’ were blatantly absent, leaving us all totally flabbergasted. The complete absence of homophobia from the tirades of a crusty old, 1950’s-era, Anglo racist who holds a position of power in an academic institution as prestigious as Sydney University was completely unexpected,” the chief Commie said. “Not only was Spurr discriminatory in his discrimination, but he grossly offended in the process a lot of Gays who felt they had missed out on a golden opportunity to be personally insulted themselves.”

According to yet another long, moralising lecture that seemed to go on for ever again from David Marr in The Guardian, “Totally ignoring the Gay community instead of including them in his abuse was out of character – and downright inexcusable for an Anglo of Professor Spurr’s age,” he insisted. “Such bizarre behaviour,” Marr said, continuing with his harangue, “is completely unacceptable and has no place in the typical white Anglo, hetero-normative, male stereotype vilified by the Left in today’s modern Australia.”

But didn’t you find some of the terms funny? I asked Marr. Such as ‘chinky-poohs’?
No, I did not, he replied.