THE STORY SO FAR
The nice multicultural family in Australia want to talk about the monster they’ve suddenly discovered is now living in their basement and wants to eat up all their babies, but Uncle Tim tells them all to shut up and keeps waving a paper in their faces with ‘Section 18C’ written all over it. Now read on …
Tremendous excitement on the streets of Adelaide this week with news that ex-Guantanamo Bay detainee David Hicks has finally had his US terrorism conviction quashed. In scenes not at all reminiscent of those welcoming the news that Sydney had won the 2000 Olympics bid, one – perhaps, two people lined the streets of Hicks’ home town, cheering and proclaiming him innocent of all charges. “He’s completely innocent,” they* shouted, before waving their silly “Vote Green” placards in the reporter’s face.
Meanwhile, speaking to reporters from the vibrant, multicultural Caliphate of Down-Town Lakemba, Michael Mori (Hick’s lawyer) exclaimed, “It has been a long and hard battle: but justice has finally prevailed!”
Surrounded by hundreds of Hicks’ bearded Australian supporters, some of them firing their new Greens-funded range (‘Harmony in Diversity’) of dolphin-friendly Kalashnikovs in the air, Michael Mori was elated. “The long fight is nearly over,” he exclaimed triumphantly. “All that needs to be done now is for this brutal Abbott government to recognise the gross injustice of the original so-called ‘guilty-as-hell’ decision and to let this poor, completely innocent young man back into the society he has vowed to destroy, er, rejoin.”
“But isn’t he a self-proclaimed jihadist, a trained killer who wants to wage war on the West and force us back into the seventh century?” a typical fascistic Murdoch journo asked.
“There is no proof whatsoever,” fumed Mori.
“In letters he wrote to his parents in 2000,” persisted the clearly islamophobic journo, “Hicks admitted to training in Al-Qaeda terrorist camps and fighting with the mujahedin in Afghanistan. He converted to Islam, glorified jihadism and denounced the West as evil and controlled by Jews. He stated his great admiration for Osama Bin Laden and openly confessed to meeting with him on at least ten occasions. Isn’t that proof enough that Hicks was aiding and abetting the enemy?”
“All that is a total CIA/Murdoch, right-wing, extremist-rag fabrication,” replied Mori. “My client is innocent on all counts.”
“But Al-Jazeera have released video footage which shows Hicks clearly celebrating the downing of the twin towers in 2001 by dancing around and getting, according to the commentator, quote, pissed as a newt, unquote, with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed – before suddenly introducing him to vegemite. Another video shows Hicks helping Bin Laden blow out candles on his birthday cake and singing ‘Happy birthday dear Binny’ to him while he lovingly stroked his beard.”
“Oh, yes, he did all that, “ Mori agreed. “But he was only doing what the other 500,000 odd Australian Muslims would have done in the same circumstances,” he insisted.
* Sarah Hanson-Young and her mother
(Yes, this is supposed to be satire.)