If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and then says it’s a duck … then it can’t be a duck, said a mayor without a spine today. Looking very worried and casting fearful glances over his shoulder, the Mayor of Philadelphia also insisted that no other spineless person in the room would believe that it was a duck either. Mayor Jim Kenney- apparently a leading ornithologist, learned duck scholar and respected authority on all things to do with ducks – stated categorically that “what you saw on the screen (a duck acting like a duck) was contrary to everything I knew about ducks. It did not resemble duckness in any way, shape or form. It had nothing to do with being a duck, believing itself to be a duck or declaring itself to be a duck.”

While the helpless Police Chief looked on, members of what it seemed to be the Duck Brotherhood watched him very closely from behind, silently nodding their approval at the mayor’s sickening performance.