In the war against Islam I’ve always been a staunch advocate of a secret assassination program targeting Australia’s enemies. So you can imagine how I feel having most of my letters to various PMs over the years promoting the idea remain unanswered. At least Tony Abbott had the decency to write back assuring me that he would give it give it some thought, unlike those 2 idiots that preceded him. But the coup d’état in Canberra last year quickly closed off that little avenue. Regardless of this setback, the idea still makes good sense, of course. Just as ridding the kitchen of an awful smell by putting the garbage out every night makes good sense. Common sense, in fact.

Secret program or not, awkward questions, however, will start to be raised should, say, one or two Greenies, an Imam or a stray, hair-brained Human Rights Commissioner be found suddenly dead or go missing. And the last thing we want is for this Liberal Government to get mired in legal, moral and ethical entanglements that might ensue, eventuating in another disastrous Labor government.
That’s why I recommend we take Shakespeare’s advice and kill all the lawyers first.

But most of our politicians are lawyers, including our current, “Islam-Is-A-Religion-Of-Peace Clap-trap” Lefty-lovin’ PM, so that’s not going to work. The last thing I want to do is recommend killing the PM, or anyone unlawfully, for that matter (he says quickly, sweating a little), but you get the idea. Just as Donald Trump – at present, the greatest leader in all of Christendom – knows temporarily stopping all Muslims entering the US isn’t going to work, but you get the idea. You know what he’s saying.