Andrew Denton yesterday, speaking of legally-assisted voluntary euthanasia, reminded me of the lack of progress of my own mandatory euthanasia campaign. From the day that The Guardian was first published in Australia, the need for urgent measures to protect the public from the incessant blubberings of these bleeding-heart hacks was patently obvious, and I’ve spearheaded the campaign for action ever since. But unfortunately with little success.
Take that David Marr, for instance, who nowadays has to be referred to as “gay” – and not as “just another whingeing old pooftah,” like in the good old days where the phrase was in frequent use. Even in polite society. Come to think of it, “an old fag” today would also be okay, if that inestimable and highly-entertaining, self-confessed fag, Milo Yiannopoulos had any say in it. Alas, this is Australia, not America. And there’s not much fun being hetero-normative here anymore.
Whatever, that whingeing old pooftah Marr’s back – and shedding tears by the bucket load again in the Guardian. This time, over the latest Nauru allegations, which all sensible people will dismiss as just more refugee invention.
Not the Guardianistas, though.
But I hadn’t seen or read anything from Marr for some time.
I had just presumed he’d been secretly murdered by Opus Dei, or maybe by the Illuminati, and his body dumped somewhere appropriate. If not for going after Pell and Abbott all his adult life, then for refusing (as a young altar-boy) to be buggered by “just any old priest” during mass. In his ‘Memoirs of a Green Queen’, Bob Brown applauds the young Marr’s scruples and refers to it a number of times, although I didn’t even know Marr had ever been near a church in his life.
If it wasn’t some Vatican hit-squad, then perhaps another reason.
After seeing so much of his relentless, moral posturing in The Guardian over the years simply ignored, Marr could have buggered off to New Zealand in total despair. The landslide election of Marr’s most despised catholic as PM, in particular, would have gutted him to the core. Witnessing first-hand that alleged “Under-age Arse-bandit” Pell getting off the hook in Rome – more devastating news. His silly “Why Knot?” campaign going nowhere. People like me ridiculing him …
Conservatives in power, off-shore detention working, illegal boats stopped, he sees catholic priests in his soup – and still no Gay-Marriage. Enough to make any perpetually grief-stricken sob-story like Marr suicidal. And that is where many people would have loved to help him out, saving him the cost of the NZ plane ticket.
But for blubbering old tarts like Marr, who insist on projecting their own holier-than-thou, permanently morally-outraged life of misery on the rest of us via rags like The Guardian, that’s where my campaign comes in. And I’m sure Milo would approve. Because being Gay these days could be a whole lot of fun: but not for Marr.