The Fab Four
(Cory, Pauline, Tony and George)

Unlike Obama, it would hardly have been those pesky Russkies that hapless, narcissistic fop Turnbull would have imagined seeing in his soup or finding under his bed over Christmas. Neither, I suspect, would it have been Livingston’s visions of sugar-plum fairies dancing in his head, while Turnbull was snug in his harbour-side mansion bed. Unlikely.

Indulging in his favourite pastime (preening himself in front of his special, custom-built mirror – the one that makes his d**k look bigger), my guess is that this pathetic PM of ours would more likely have been imagining something more frightful. Like the terrible spectre of Tony Abbott rising up from the dead behind him, complete with that macabre grin of his, the treacherous Turnbull’s knife still buried deep inside his back, keen to return the favour. That’s what is more likely to have given Turnbull the creeps.

Or imagining the dreadful figure of Cory Bernardi, lurking behind the wall, biding his time, waiting for an opportunity to leap out and ram his size 12 boot up Turnbull’s backside, before running off with a few million voters.  Or that of the terrifyingly ample-assed George Christensen, complete with Kate Upton-size man-boobs (34D), suddenly jumping on him out of nowhere from a great height. Or that of Queen Pauline storming across the sunshine state on her white charger, doing like St Patrick did with the snakes in Ireland and ridding Queensland of bleeding-heart, faux-conservatives like Turnbull until the end of time.

But my favourite (if I had any say in the matter) would be Turnbull imagining my dream-come true. Namely, a vision of  Abbott, Bernardi, Christensen and Queen Pauline teaming up together, like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, rampaging across the country, smiting and slaying and casting Turnbull (along with all the rest of the spineless bed-wetting faux-cons in the government determined to hand political office to Bill Shorten on a plate) down to the furthest reaches of hell for forever and a day.

Now, that would really give him the heeby-jeebies