Philosophy Exams

Kerry Cronin

Boston College philosophy professor Kerry Cronin is now rewarding her philosophy students extra PHD credits if they ask someone out on a date, where there will be no alcohol or physical contact. That is, instead of immediately shagging each other on sight, as is their want these days, Cronin wants to reward millennials for first engaging in an intelligent conversation over a cup of coffee beforehand. (Then going at it, presumably.)

This  is an entirely brilliant idea which would need only a little tweaking if it were to be adopted in our current Australian, predominantly lefty, sexually-depraved, philosophy departments.

For it to work here, my guess is that most Aussie professors would need to stipulate a prior list of lefty-approved candidates, with clear-cut, politically-correct choices to be made about them, such as:
1. Immediately shag?
2. Engage in an intelligent conversation? Or,
3. Do both simultaneously?

It goes without saying that the candidates list would be exclusively composed of commies and their similarly ideologically-depraved counterparts.

Top of the list for credit points would be of course be people like Waleed Aly, Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews, blubbering (but still quite pokable) Sarah Hanson Young, Peter Fitzsimons, Roz Ward (transgender, “Safe-Schools” architect and full-time sicko) and an assorted range of ridiculous, Muzzie ‘columnists’ who write rubbish for the Guardian. And any old race-commissioner with a very silly and unpronounceable surname, say, who is being booted out in August, say, leaving us without a scintilla of evidence that suggests he might have been a closet-queen all along.

Bonus credit if the student manages to keep a straight face (and not burst out into hysterical laughter) while discussing illegal boat-arrivals with SHY.

Triple credits for any students who manages option ‘3’ – ‘Do both simultaneously’ – with AbdelMaglied WITHOUT the aid of alcohol, ear-plugs or a blindfold. And for never once in the entire 2 minutes telling her to “shut the f**k up.”

The full PHD if you can precisely identify exactly what sex Daniel Andrews is, postcoitus.

 What more can I say?

About Austeralix

It's just satire, really.
This entry was posted in Daniel Andrews, Peter Fitzsimons, Roz Ward, Sarah Hanson-Young, Tim Il Sung, Tim Soutphommasane, Waleed Aly, Yassmin Abdel-Magied. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s