INTERVIEW with the great leader of the Socialist Republic of Victoria, researching tax-fraud. Normally Andrews refuses any audiences with white, heterosexual-normative males who think he’s a complete idiot but a quick flash of my pocket Koran to security and I’m swiftly ushered in.
There, he angrily asks me what the fuck do I want to see him about?
I nervously flip through my notebook. In answer to the first question, of his success in swindling the electorate to vote for him twice in a row, I get this horrible blood-curdling laugh and he says he just can’t wait to do it again.
Secondly, the Bendigo mosque. The Premier smacks his hands together in glee, shouting ‘Ah!’ before smiling at me weirdly, a strangely satisfied look on his face.
How, I ask, does Andrews square the Bendigo mosque go-ahead with Victoria signing up to the Chinese One Belt One Road Initiative? Wasn’t it a pre-condition of Victoria’s surrender to Beijing that, as in Xinjiang, all Muslims were to be immediately rounded up and sterilised to extinction? Doesn’t that mean, therefore, that the mosque is a complete and utterly fraudulent waste of tax-payers’ money? And that we should all be given a refund, forthwith?
The meeting suddenly over, on my way out (on my arse) I manage to hand him one of Phil Nitschke’s cards. Something I do after my meetings with all great socialist leaders. Out of compassion.