Pre-Emptive Strike?

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Al-Hawl, N.E Syria

18th November

BACK IN SYDNEY, greatly disappointed to hear that Israel has suspended it’s bombing in Gaza. Surely the body count is far too low?

Before I can get my letter of complaint off to the Israeli Ambassador, they start bombing the hell out of Gaza again, lifting my spirits and putting a spring in my step. Switching their bombing to include Iranian military targets in Syria as well, and the week brightens up again.

Then comes Trump’s brilliant decision to legitimise Jewish West Bank settlements. I’m over the moon. Even though there was no bombing involved, it’s cause for celebration: champagne-breakfast on the terrace. But Mahmoud Abbas denounces Trump’s decision as a ‘war-crime’, sending me into an uncontrollable fit of the giggles and the toast is ruined.


20th November
Glancing through news at breakfast I see that ISIS has formed a mini-caliphate within the Al-Hawl ‘refugee’ camp: seventy-odd thousand of the fuckers, still determined to kill us all. And that neo-Ottoman prick (Erdogan) is starting to send some of them back to where they came from …

And I ask myself (between mouthfuls of Eggs Benedict and burnt toast), why doesn’t Trump take a leaf out of the Israeli book and execute a pre-emptive strike on Al-Hawl before ISIS is unleashed on the world again? A precision strike by the Americans, using napalm, 500-pound bunker busters, barrel-bombs, a bunch of hellfire missiles and stacks of cluster-bombs. That should do it.

No need to worry about a Muslim backlash, of course, as Waleed Aly and his wife, Susan, have repeatedly assured us that “ISIS has nothing to do with Islam.” So 1.8 billion Muslims should be totally cool with the idea – wouldn’t you think?*

The only ones likely to object to removing 70,000 psychopaths and their families from the face of the earth in one fell-swoop would be their equally-psychotic supporters on the Left, such as the emotionally wrought and professional dumb person, Senator Nick McKim, who is a big girl’s blouse as well, by the way.


* No.


About Austeralix

It's just satire, really.
This entry was posted in Al-Hawl, Bomb the fuckers, Donald Trump, Eggs Benedict, Gaza, Iran, ISIS, Islamophobia, Israel, Mahmoud Abbas, Nick McKim, Palestinians, Recep Erdogan, Susan Carland, Syria, Waleed Aly and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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