Shocking news that Freydenberg’s budget has done absolutely nothing whatsoever for Australian women. Particularly harrowing (writes The Guardian’s Emma Dawson) is the plight of poverty-stricken women in the ABC and SBS who have to continue to survive on subsistence-level wages of $500,000 per year, or even more. Jane Caro says the situation is ‘heart-breaking’ and that Freydenberg is, of course, a ‘heartless, misogynist fascist‘ who wouldn’t recognise a ‘hungry, half-crazed, dyke columnist desperate for attention‘ if he saw one.

My conscience pricked, I’ve immediately set up a crowd-funding operation to roll out thousands of soup-kitchens to shovel Campbell’s Chicken Broth down the throats of these poor, half-starving, lefty bastards nation-wide. I’m also proud to launch my Victorian, Venezuela-styled “Cash-for-Commies” campaign in Victoria. Hundreds of ‘volunteers’ from Daniel’s seriously-depleted hordes of senior citizens (yes, the ones who haven’t been killed off yet) will pass the hat around in the queues outside DHSS offices every morning and see if they can come up with enough to upgrade the soup to ‘Premium’. (Unlikely).

Meantime, for the many malnourished ABC and SBS female journos, desperate times call for desperate measures. Accordingly, I’ve taken out a full-page spread in The Guardian pointing out they have no option but to follow Karl Marx’s famous Das Kapital dictum, (Chapter 23,000, ‘The Good Commies’ Guide to Moonlighting Your Way Through Capitalism.’) And that is, out of office hours, revert to what most lefty journos were probably doing, and why they were probably hired in the first place, which is to go on the game.* (Again.)

Marx argued that there was no moral difference between prostituting the female body and prostituting the news, which is, as we know, what famously inspired Ted Turner to launch CNN. And by aligning it with the “Wall-Street Hooker” (Hillary Clinton) and later, “Hookers For Hillary,” the canny Turner injects CNN’s current affairs programs – and, by extension, their Aussie counterparts, The Drum and Q&A – with a healthy dose of entertainment value.  Otherwise, they’d all be rightly dismissed as just utter garbage.

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* I’m not sure whether this applies to Julia Baird, Ellen Fanning or even Jane Caro, but these are the only names I know.